Steve Jobs' Autobiography released 10-24-11
Steve Jobs and I share something in common. We were both NOT raised by our biological fathers.
Like Steve, I “accidentally” met my biological father when I was a teenager. My mother and one of her very close church friends told me that we were going on a trip.
After driving for an hour, we walked into an autobody shop, met this really tall man in the office and the church friend told me…
“Leesa, this is your father.”
I remember being cold and aloof about the encounter (blame that on my zodiac sign). I was 16 at the time and was puzzled by my mother’s reaction. She got emotional and was coaxing me to…I don’t know…embrace him or something. I guess she wanted me to rush into his arms and have an Anne of Green Gables moment, crying about how much I dreamt of this day.
But I didn’t.
I stood there watching the scene unfold around me as both my father and my mother got teary eyed. He mentioned something about looking like one of his other daughters and that I’ve grown into a beautiful young lady.
This was the first time in my life I was laying eyes on the man who sparked my existence, yet all I could do was mumble a few choice words that I thought would make my mom proud.
The Attempt to Form a Relationship
Unlike Steve Jobs, my father and I attempted to forge a relationship. It was awkward and weird. One because I didn’t know him. Two because he seemed to make promises that he had no intention of keeping (for example, he said that he’d introduce me to his 3 other children and 21-years later, that still hasn’t happened). And lastly, I had already devoted my loyalties to another man – my stepdad.
Actually, if my stepdad heard me calling him “my stepdad,” he’d kick my butt.
My dad met my mom shortly after I was born. They got married, begot 2 other children (my sisters) and raised us as one family unit. My dad never made me feel less than. He never pulled a Royal Tenenbaums moment where he’d introduce his 2 daughters and then add “oh yeah and this is my step-daughter, Leesa.”
Whenever my dad talks about his children, he always says “my 3 girls” (me included).
The Angry Period
I was angry at my mom for keeping this “secret” (although it wasn’t really a secret because I found out at 11 years old that I had a different father after inquiring why my last name was different from my sisters). Most of all, I was angry at my father. He abandoned me. He wasn’t what I dreamt he would be. He was dishonest. He was…
I carried around that anger for close to a decade.
The anger came through in many ways.
- I became lactose intolerant.
- I didn’t appreciate the relationship I was in at the time. My boyfriend at the time complained that I was “emotionless” like a Vulcan.
- I hated God and stopped going to church.
- It didn’t help that September 11th happen during this time, so I hated God even more for letting this evil happen.
- I gained ALOT of weight. I tipped the scale at 205-lbs (that’s completely overweight for my height).
And at the root of all this was my negative feelings towards my father (as I would determine later on in life).
The Leesa Barnes Refresh
I attended T. Harv Eker’s Millionaire Mind Intensive weekend in July 2005. It was a year after I had been laid off and I had just made the decision to try my hand at self-employment.
While sitting in that 3-day event, there was an exercise where we had to write a letter to the person who we need to forgive. I immediately thought of my father.
So I wrote the letter.
And for the first time in almost a decade, I prayed. And it was in that moment that I did two things…
- I cried. Actually, no, I wept. I cleansed my soul of the hurt, pain and disappointment I harboured towards my father.
- Then I thanked God for the man who stepped up and embraced as his own. My anger turned to appreciation that God did provide to me a dad and a family where I felt a complete sense of belonging. A family whom I’m completely devoted to and the man who did not bring me into the world, but helped me navigate it day-by-day over the past 30+ years.
What Do You Need to Refresh?
This may seem callous of me, but is it any wonder that Steve was in so much pain in his later years?
In his book, Steve said that he had no desire to form a relationship with the biological father who abandoned him. He did forge a relationship with his birth mother and biological sister, but not with his father.
On the flip side, his biological father said in an interview that he didn’t want to meet his biological son, Steve, because his “Syrian-pride” didn’t allow him to, plus he didn’t want Steve to think he was after his money.
So sad.
And when we carry around so much negativity in ourselves, it manifests itself through many ways. Poor health, poor finances, poor relationships with others. Despite how much Steve had and how much a genius he was, the one thing he could not have was peace with his father.
I write this, not to judge Steve (for some may say that I still have some work to do where my father is concerned, despite attempting a relationship with him), but to ask what do you need to release today to experience your own refresh.
What demons do you need to revolt against in your own life to bring on your Personal “Arab Spring”?
Do share.
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